stress break

ok, my brain just stopped. after 2 weeks of continuous activity, stress, work, invitations, confirmations, sponsors, emails, googling, looking for possible invitees' contact info... my mind has refused to function. so now, it's come again -- my limit. every time I reach this point, my body automatically slows/shut down (depending on the value on the tiredness meter). no use arguing, or forcing it to function. the fuel has run out, and the body must replenish its supply. even my breathing seems slower. weird.

yeah, be careful what you wish for. after several months break from forum organizing work, I was suddenly thrust with the task of organizing 3 forums, each a week apart, and the first one with less than 2 weeks lead time. hmmm, I actually, undoubtedly enjoy this job. everytime I am able to facilitate people coming together and engaging in meaningful, intelligent discourse, that heck, occassionally is able to influence public policy and legislation... I am filled with such profound content and joy. this is really what I want to do with my life. I want to immerse myself in something whose impact extends outwards to others and to the world.

but well... the stress. the daily anxiety. the repeated blood-into-cheeks-because-of-little-faux-pas. the decisions that I shouldn't have to make but am forced to. the feeling of frustration, the feeling of me-at-bottom-of-micro-food-chain. the strain from writing pleading ( but sincere ;) ) letters all day. the continued demand to raise my tolerance for ambiguity...

unload, unload, unload the weight.

because in a few minutes, I'll thrust myself back into the grind.

yeah, it's the grind that saps my energy, but it's the grind that brings much much joy.

hahahaha, the pull of contradiction.