I've moved :)

my blog has moved here...

http://becomingspace.tumblr.com

:)

"When the deep meaning of things is not understood
the mind's essential peace is disturbed to no avail.

The Way is perfect like vast space
where nothing is lacking and nothing is in excess.
Indeed, it is due to our choosing to accept or reject
that we do not see the true nature of things.
Be serene in the oneness of things
and such erroneous views will disappear by themselves."
- Hsin Hsin Ming

in moments such as those when one is removed from entanglement to what is generally called "reality" with all its worry, and pain, and desires, when one recognizes himself as part of that "whole" and finds himself in that vast space, all these mundane strivings are shed off, resistance ceases without effort, much like a coat that we recognize we don't need because it's not cold anymore.

prayer

in that moment, deep in stillness, when one's solitude is extended to find one's own limits dissolve, there emerges a feeling of incredible connection with every single element in the universe (human, emotion, animal, plant, wind, water, earth), and with this, a prayer for wellness, joy, peace is breathed out. and somehow, with this breath comes a quiet knowing and joy that everything has been touched and "this," all this is changed again.

Just this. Just me.

Meditation isn't disappearing into the void, it's accepting everything just as they are. Just this. And accepting oneself just as one is. Just me. It's being fully present in the now but with a looseness that acknowledges that everything is passing.

Be grateful for every moving perception.

Inside too

I was walking down downtown a while ago. Felt my surroundings pulsing with life, it was as if the world was smiling and happy... and my mantra was, "Magic is everywhere." And then I realized that the magic was not only everywhere... it was inside too, and I focused on the joyful energy that was in me, and held it, listened, and stayed still... A few minutes later, it started raining. It was as if the emotion found its peak.

Wonderful. Just wonderful.

Magic everywhere!

just got introduced to being erica. it's now one of my favorite shows. :)

‎"seems like most of the time, we walk around with the world on mute. but when you're on the cusp of something dramatic and maybe life-changing, it's like a filter comes off, and suddenly everything comes alive, and even the smallest moment is imbued with the magic of possibility. and you think, this is the night you drop your mask and reveal your true self, this is the night when everything is re-written." (being erica)

sometimes it doesn't even have to be anything dramatic, sometimes when you just open up to the mundane, when you accept the ordinary just as it is, and you realize the beauty in that, when you smile just because it's a beautiful morning and the wind is touching your face while you're on the bus, and you get off the bus a block early just so you could walk those extra steps... everything comes alive, there's magic everywhere... :)

Of Beginnings and the Journey

we all have our roster of teachers, those who have made the most significant influence on how we deal with our world, who have inspired us to live our lives in a more meaningful way perhaps, or to live it in a more conscious way at least.

I have been blessed with many such teachers. my parents probably have been my most constant and influential spiritual mentors, but there were many others who've popped in and out of my life, authors, friends, music, movies, emotional bottlenecks, rivers, walk paths... reflecting on it now, my spiritual life has perhaps been shaped most of all by my introduction to philosophy, through the journey that I've begun in college.

I have since then chosen not to follow just one path. perhaps its stubbornness or a lack of discipline, but I believe that the path is revealed to one as he walks on it. that if we keep our hearts open, the right, onward and upward path for us would present itself when the time has come for it to do so.

so what I do is I listen.

my life has become an ongoing conversation between me and the universe. I am surrounded by a lot of solitude, and this keeps the space around my mind vast and quiet so that I'm able to hear the echoes of insight, those silent proddings of my Spirit.

I walk a lot too, it's my most constant form of meditation. I started this more than a decade ago, when I was still in university. at first I walked out of necessity. one of my favorite professors in philosophy (Dr. Lee of the University of the Philippines) would pose a lot of interesting questions, questions that yanked my mind out of its logical frame, questions such as this: kung hindi ka ba nakakakita, wala ka bang makikita o makikita mo lahat? if you didn't have the sense of sight, would you see nothing, or would you see everything? after the class, I would be in a sort of trance-like state, not knowing how to wrap my brain around what I had heard. I needed to walk, if just to discharge the uneasiness that I felt.

it was those questions that first made me realize that there were worlds beyond language, between our words, beneath every sensory layer that we associate our solidity to. I immersed myself in the vagueness that the questions inspired and began to walk. I realized then that we need not find all the answers, that questions are sometimes meant to open up new worlds to us, wordless worlds, worlds so beautiful and real that can and should be left just as they were. and sometimes even, this experience of the wordless is itself the answer.

walking helped me take the edge off at first but after a while, I felt my mind start to empty, and I discovered that I was not just body and mind, I was energy. and as my feet touched the ground as I walked, I somehow found that everything was energy too. as I immersed myself fully in the experience, I realized further that I was not separate from anything... that I am one with everything. I also found that this energy had direction and that its essence was goodness. because I felt myself as part of that energy, the energy's flow became my direction too, and because I knew that it was good, I trusted in its wisdom.

those experiences have been the starting point of my journey, and through everything - the endless reshaping, the emotional rock-bottoms, the changing circumstances - it's that trust and certainty in the universe's goodness that remain.

it's what guided me here.

Simplicity and Abundance

I lead a very small life. Don't have much stuff, don't have that many people in my life, don't have a lot of ambitions. But the stuff that I do have, and the people who are in my life, and the small dreams that I have, I treasure. They keep me breathing every single day.

About a year and several days ago, I got off the plane, with only a suitcase, a backpack, and a laptop bag, without anyone to pick me up at the airport. I was starting a new life, in a place where I knew only 2 people. I didn't have a job. I didn't have a place to stay. I was only booked in a hotel for 3 days. But I did have a lot of trust and this unshakable certainty that the universe was good and that it will show me where to go.

Show me it did. Lead me by the hand, it did.

And now as I look back on the year that has passed, I have nothing but gratitude. It was a year of many beginnings and endings, and it necessitated that I grow up... fast. No other way to do it. Pull yourself up from your bootstraps girl. This ain't a pity party. I ended a relationship with someone I thought I'd be spending the rest of my life with. It was a sudden shock, and it knocked me off my comfortable path.

When I got my stuff back from him, I was amazed at how much clutter I've let accumulate in my life. So much stuff. And I knew immediately what I had to do... I had to give them all away. I probably kept 3 percent of my things. The clothes, the books, the cds, the little things here and there... gave them all away. I wanted to start over, without the memories, without the thousand little things that reminded me of my past. I was surprised at how freeing it was to let all the stuff go. I found that somehow I wasn't attached to them. Emptying my hands, I felt incredibly light.

And so when the time came for me to move, I didn't really have much. Travel light they say, and that was what I did. You'd be surprised at how little you really need.

Now, I'm still keeping my life as simple as I can. And I've found that living in a small space really helps me clear out my clutter. Keep only what is important to you, only that which means something, which makes your life better. Give the rest away or don't get them to begin with.

Most of all, this is what I've learned: surround yourself with love, with stuff that remind you of the people you love, with photographs and memories of laughter and family. Keep things near you that remind you of your journey, of paths taken and paths still left unexplored. They will keep you grounded when times get rough.

And the thing is... I feel much more abundant now that I'm living with my "almost" bare essentials (not quite there yet, still have some clutter left to clear out). My heart feels full somehow.

I have everything I need.

growing up

congratulations to me for my first non-whiny bout with the flu. in the past, when I was down with the flu or asthma or the colds, I would spiral into a web of self-pity, and the more I told myself that I felt crappy, the crappier it felt, and the more difficult it was for me to heal.

but this time, perhaps because I'm living on my own, or probably because I've grown a little, I didn't have that whiny bit. yeah, it's a crappy feeling, so what are you going to do now? no one's going to take care of you, no one's there to absorb your whiny cries for help. fever's up? that's good, I told myself, the body's naturally trying to restore its balance. I told my body, "ok, you know what to do, I'll try to get out of your way so we can heal more quickly." so I cooked a pot of chicken soup, gave myself some fruit shock therapy (big bowl of fruits plus several glasses of orange juice), bundled up in my sheets, put a damp towel on my forehead, and got plenty of sleep and rest. when the fever went up to about 38.7, I thought, ok, time for some tylenol. within hours, I was feeling much better.

and today, because the fever's gone, I decided to go for a walk and go for some grocery shopping (for more fruits, some chicken soup and more meds). that's probably one of the best prescriptions, go out for a walk in the park, stop for a few seconds and bathe in the sunshine, listen to the birds, commune with the trees... that silent space really does a lot of good, flu or no flu.

it feels good to be evolving. after all, we can't all stay in the same place forever.

and wherever we're at, it's still really all good.

flowing into the sea

sometimes you get the feeling that everything was worth it. and no matter what it was that happened with you, everything just flows into the sea, rejoining every single soul that has walked on the earth. we're all in it together you know. and everyone, even those people who hurt us, they're all just trying to live their lives the best way they can. "You did then what you knew how to do, now that you know better, you can do better." (from Maya Angelou, I think)

I just feel this overwhelming feeling of gratitude... and peaceful joy. and from my core, I wish everyone well. much love, happiness, peace, and light.

namaste.